“Ahhhhh!!!!” I cried as the blond-haired harasser jumped up from behind the coffee counter. She laughed, smugly satisfied with herself that she startled me into a somewhat girlish outcry. I walked away briskly, embarrassed, yet resolute as I plotted my revenge upon the haughty harrier. Days passed, and I saw my opportunity one day as she washed dishes by the window unawares. With eyes wide and a devilish grin upon my visage, I stared through the window until her eyes meet mine, startling her into a scream and forcing her to she drop the handful of dishes she was carrying. Vengeance was mine, and I had effectively ended the feud by restoring balance…or so I thought.
Weeks went by, and my “former” enemy offered me a peace treaty of free coffee as I walked by her window one afternoon. Little did I know that treason was on the menu that fateful day. As I approached the counter, a chilling spray of water met my face as an entire super-soaker emptied onto my body. Too late did I realize that merely an empty cup and deceitful words had lured me into a cunning and soggy trap, an ambush laid by my clever opponent. Far from evening the score and cooling the debate, my retaliation had only fueled the blond schemer’s ire and invited yet another unjustified action. Well two could play at this game.
I hatched my devious plan, carefully planning my every move and waiting for the perfect time to mount my attack. Finally, after weeks of waiting, my time had come. My sources informed me that my adversary was to open her shop in the early morning; alone and unaided. In the dead of the night, I accessed the room and littered the floor with close to 300 cups of water, rendering movement through the room impossible without spilling water or painstakingly removing the glasses one by one. Victory was mine! Until I walked into my room a week later to find my bed completely covered and overwhelmed by mounds of pinecones. Once again my enemy had managed to counterstrike. This once small prank war had escalated, and I was about to take it to the final level.
I bided my time, gleaning the occasional fragment of information whenever I could; a license plate number here, a home address there, until finally I was prepared for my final assault. Nearly a month after the last encounter, I gathered my supplies and mounted a full-scale offensive against my rival at her home base. 115 rolls of toilet paper, 73 forks, and 28 Oreos later my reckoning was complete, and justice had been served. I swiftly followed up my initial onslaught with the early stages of psychological warfare, but the damage had been complete and was utterly destructive. Petitions were made for a truce, a treaty was signed, and coffee was shared as a final act of peace between us as our private war drew to a close. Although history is likely to forget such a conflict, I am sure to carry the effects of this combat through the rest of my life and though it may fade into legend, this prank war was certainly something I will never forget.